BREAKING NEWS: David Pastrnak Just Kicked Me Right in the Face

At the start of this year I bet a handsome sum of money on Auston Matthews to win the Rocket Richard Trophy for most goals in the NHL. Right now he sits in 2nd place and I like my chances. So while tweeting last night with reckless abandon, I decided I may as well chirp the leader, David Pastrnak, about his lack of goals in the last week or so. What could go wrong?

Not my best work, but its passable. Solid 6.8/10. But imagine my surprise when I noticed this:

Ah shit! So naturally, after providing that “Bulletin board material”, we all knew this was coming tonight:

Now I’m not saying David Pastrnak scored a goal because of my chirp. That would be ridiculous. But it certainly didn’t help my cause. If anything, I’m going to start pumping Pasta’s tires from here on out. You’re the best, Pasta! You never will hit another goal post or get snakebitten for 15 games in a row ever again, bud.

Nicky Pizazz

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